She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Randomize
