So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
