she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Randomize
