Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Randomize
