I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
whose ass print is on the piano?
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
