I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
