No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I didn't notice because vodka
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
