I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
