my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
