Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
