I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
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