You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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