Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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