the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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