so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Randomize
