I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I have already put on my inside pants.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
