we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
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