i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
