Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
