Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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