dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I think pants incapable of making pants work
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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