she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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