it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Randomize
