someone threw a dead crab at me
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Randomize
