i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize
