Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I got inside last night via doggy door
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
