I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
