Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
no, he came in my armpit
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
