Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
