a queef is a wish your heart makes.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
