you guys were way drunker than both of me
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
two words: eviction party
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Randomize
