i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
