Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
