Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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