Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Randomize
