dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Enjoy the penises
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Randomize
