Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
