Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
