office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Randomize
