I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
