when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
did i just pee glitter
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
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