you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
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