And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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