We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Someone stole a lamp last night.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
