How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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