If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
