i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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