i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
