your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
