Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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