i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
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