@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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