Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
