Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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