the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
