i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
